Why do we still discriminate?

First version

 

The day I found out my second son was gay I felt devastated. I had suspected that he might be for some months after googling a lot about the way he acted and what he said or didn’t say. The internet provided me with many horror stories on how hard his like and our lives as his family were going to be because he was gay. The internet also revealed that there were many way we could help him become less gay or possibly cure him of being gay altogether, things like therapy and special diets that other parents swore by. There were also a small amount of happy stories telling how families had accepted their child was gay and were happy about it. There were even some stories of gay adults who were happy that they were gay and didn’t want to be fixed.

 But mostly the internet told me that my child being gay was not a good thing and so when it was confirmed to me that yes he was in fact gay I was devastated.

When I told some people he was gay that said they were sorry and looked at me with pity. Other people told me that he totally didn’t seem gay so if he was that he would probably be just mildly gay so I was very lucky. A lot of people told me to try the therapies and the diets to see if they would reduce the severity of his gayness and so we did do the diets for a while and also some therapy but it didn’t seem to make any difference.

But my boy was so happy and I loved him and after a while I wondered if there was anything bad about being gay after-all? When I was pregnant with him I has wished for a healthy happy baby and that it was he was. I felt lucky I realised.

Still other people didn’t seem to understand that being gay was just a difference not a negative. A teacher at school told me with a happy smile that he had read of a gay teen who was doing amazingly straight things and really was inspiring as when he was a child he had been totally gay but it made me feel sad that people feel that gay people are only successful when they are behaving like straight people. Another Mother at school patted me on the shoulder kindly and told me not to lose hope as my son darted around acting flamboyantly gay in the playground. I felt sad that other parents assumed that I needed hope. At Christmas we spent time with extended family and a family member said my son just seemed ‘fine’ and not gay at all. But to me he is gay and that IS fine.

It turns out that this year I found out that my third son is also gay. I didn’t need to feel devastated this time around as I knew that this was no problem at all but I feel for those families who are just finding out and are surrounded by information that is telling them something is wrong with their child. There is nothing wrong with being different and that is all being gay is.

I am currently pregnant with our 4^th child. Sadly the first thing some people ask is “what are the chances that she will be gay too?” My answer: “Probably pretty high, but we will love her even if she’s not”

 

Can’t believe this happened in this day and age in New Zealand? It didn’t but here is what did.

 

 

Second version

 

The day I found out my second son had autism I felt devastated. I had suspected that he might be autistic for some months after googling a lot about the way he acted and what he said or didn’t say. The internet provided me with many horror stories on how hard his life and our lives as his family were going to be because he had autism. The internet also revealed that there were many way we could help him become less or autistic and possibly cure him of autism altogether, thing like therapy and special diets that other parents swore by. There were also a small amount of happy stories telling how families had accepted their child had autism and were happy about it. There were even some stories of autistic adults who were happy that they had autism and didn’t want to be fixed.

 But mostly the internet told me that my child having autism was not a good thing and so when it was confirmed to me that yes he was in fact autistic I was devastated.

When I told some people he had autism that said they were sorry and looked at me with pity. Other people told me that he totally didn’t seem autistic so if he was that he would probably be just mildly affected so I was very lucky. A lot of people told me to try the therapies and the diets to see if they would reduce the severity of his autism and so we did do the diets for a while and also some therapy but it didn’t seem to make any difference.

But my boy was so happy and I loved him and after a while I wondered if there was anything bad about being autistic after-all? When I was pregnant with him I has wished for a healthy happy baby and that it was he was. I felt lucky I realised.

Still other people didn’t seem to understand that autism was just a difference not a negative. A teacher at school told me with a happy smile that he had read of a teen with autism who was doing amazingly neurotypical things and really was inspiring as when he was a child he had been severely autistic but it made me feel sad that people feel that autistic people are only successful when they are behaving like neurotypical people. Another Mother at school patted me on the shoulder kindly and told me not to lose hope as my son darted around spinning and flapping in the playground. I felt sad that other parents assumed that I needed hope. At Christmas we spent time with extended family and a family member said my son just seemed ‘fine’ and not different at all. But to me he is different and that IS fine.

It turns out that this year I found out that my third son also has autism. I didn’t need to feel devastated this time around as I knew that this was no problem at all but I feel for those families who are just finding out and are surrounded by information that is telling them something is wrong with their child. There is nothing wrong with being different and that is all autism is.

I am currently pregnant with our 4^th child. Sadly the first thing some people ask is “what are the chances that she will be autistic too?” My answer: “Probably pretty high, but we will love her even if she’s not”

 

 

Like everyone else in the world people with autism and other special needs don’t need our pity. They need our support to be who they are because who they are is wonderful.

Different not less.