First version
The day I found out my second son was gay I felt devastated.
I had suspected that he might be for some months after googling a lot about the
way he acted and what he said or didn’t say. The internet provided me with many
horror stories on how hard his like and our lives as his family were going to
be because he was gay. The internet also revealed that there were many way we
could help him become less gay or possibly cure him of being gay altogether,
things like therapy and special diets that other parents swore by. There were
also a small amount of happy stories telling how families had accepted their
child was gay and were happy about it. There were even some stories of gay
adults who were happy that they were gay and didn’t want to be fixed.
But mostly the
internet told me that my child being gay was not a good thing and so when it
was confirmed to me that yes he was in fact gay I was devastated.
When I told some people he was gay that said they were sorry
and looked at me with pity. Other people told me that he totally didn’t seem
gay so if he was that he would probably be just mildly gay so I was very lucky.
A lot of people told me to try the therapies and the diets to see if they would
reduce the severity of his gayness and so we did do the diets for a while and
also some therapy but it didn’t seem to make any difference.
But my boy was so happy and I loved him and after a while I
wondered if there was anything bad about being gay after-all? When I was
pregnant with him I has wished for a healthy happy baby and that it was he was.
I felt lucky I realised.
Still other people didn’t seem to understand that being gay
was just a difference not a negative. A teacher at school told me with a happy
smile that he had read of a gay teen who was doing amazingly straight things
and really was inspiring as when he was a child he had been totally gay but it
made me feel sad that people feel that gay people are only successful when they
are behaving like straight people. Another Mother at school patted me on the
shoulder kindly and told me not to lose hope as my son darted around acting
flamboyantly gay in the playground. I felt sad that other parents assumed that
I needed hope. At Christmas we spent time with extended family and a family
member said my son just seemed ‘fine’ and not gay at all. But to me he is gay
and that IS fine.
It turns out that this year I found out that my third son is
also gay. I didn’t need to feel devastated this time around as I knew that this
was no problem at all but I feel for those families who are just finding out
and are surrounded by information that is telling them something is wrong with
their child. There is nothing wrong with being different and that is all being
gay is.
I am currently pregnant with our 4th child. Sadly
the first thing some people ask is “what are the chances that she will be gay
too?” My answer: “Probably pretty high, but we will love her even if she’s not”
Can’t believe this happened in this day and age in New
Zealand? It didn’t but here is what did.
Second version
The day I found out my second son had autism I felt
devastated. I had suspected that he might be autistic for some months after
googling a lot about the way he acted and what he said or didn’t say. The
internet provided me with many horror stories on how hard his life and our
lives as his family were going to be because he had autism. The internet also
revealed that there were many way we could help him become less or autistic and
possibly cure him of autism altogether, thing like therapy and special diets
that other parents swore by. There were also a small amount of happy stories
telling how families had accepted their child had autism and were happy about
it. There were even some stories of autistic adults who were happy that they
had autism and didn’t want to be fixed.
But mostly the
internet told me that my child having autism was not a good thing and so when
it was confirmed to me that yes he was in fact autistic I was devastated.
When I told some people he had autism that said they were
sorry and looked at me with pity. Other people told me that he totally didn’t
seem autistic so if he was that he would probably be just mildly affected so I
was very lucky. A lot of people told me to try the therapies and the diets to
see if they would reduce the severity of his autism and so we did do the diets
for a while and also some therapy but it didn’t seem to make any difference.
But my boy was so happy and I loved him and after a while I
wondered if there was anything bad about being autistic after-all? When I was
pregnant with him I has wished for a healthy happy baby and that it was he was.
I felt lucky I realised.
Still other people didn’t seem to understand that autism was
just a difference not a negative. A teacher at school told me with a happy
smile that he had read of a teen with autism who was doing amazingly
neurotypical things and really was inspiring as when he was a child he had been
severely autistic but it made me feel sad that people feel that autistic people
are only successful when they are behaving like neurotypical people. Another
Mother at school patted me on the shoulder kindly and told me not to lose hope
as my son darted around spinning and flapping in the playground. I felt sad
that other parents assumed that I needed hope. At Christmas we spent time with
extended family and a family member said my son just seemed ‘fine’ and not
different at all. But to me he is different and that IS fine.
It turns out that this year I found out that my third son
also has autism. I didn’t need to feel devastated this time around as I knew
that this was no problem at all but I feel for those families who are just
finding out and are surrounded by information that is telling them something is
wrong with their child. There is nothing wrong with being different and that is
all autism is.
I am currently pregnant with our 4th child. Sadly
the first thing some people ask is “what are the chances that she will be
autistic too?” My answer: “Probably pretty high, but we will love her even if
she’s not”
Like everyone else in the world people with autism and other
special needs don’t need our pity. They need our support to be who they are
because who they are is wonderful.
Different not less.
